If I can change the way my world looks, the way our friendship looks so easily, even overnight, - just by changing my point of view, then how does (our) friendship look like to you? It is, in fact, ever changing. And so.. intangible. (then again, the beauty lies in this intangibility)
What does a 'stable' relationship (using friendship here sounds odd) mean, how can things be stable when this big word 'relationship' is purely made up of thoughts we have of each other? (MY thoughts or YOUR thoughts about this connection, not OUR thoughts about our connection. These three are all different).
But I realise it is only because I don't love enough, that I'm able to change my perspective/views about you/our friendship so easily.The connection between two are made of these views we have of each other + love (which is built upon the first) (or something that cannot be reasoned) + (things I do not know of yet). Sometimes I feel love is like a chemical. Two are bounded by it, and the rest supported by reasoning.
[I am actually a little unsure of what I am talking about now, there is definitely a missing equation].
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On Sunday, she reminded me that:
To put it mathematically, if the success of reaching out to a person (person you're reaching out to does not reject you) is likened to a star, your chances of being successful is (almost) a hundred percent, and the addition of a star gives you an even higher chance the next;
imagine how beautiful the numbers would turn out when the first try earns you (1), 2nd try gives you (1) + (2), 3rd try gives you (1) + (2) + (4), so on and so forth.
It is not to objectify, desensitize (or whatever what I should use here) the (i feel, sacred) act of initiating conversations. It is just that such illustrations are much easier to understand. Clear, objective numbers.
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If there is one thing you should know, I really dislike the act of reaching out to others. Beneath it lies my greatest fear.
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